Shadows. broken necks and old asses.

Today I woke up with a BANG and a SCREAM! Not like a gunshot but more like a porky ass crash landing on the 2nd floor. I remember thinking who the heck has a porky ass in this house? No one really. Adam probably has the biggest ass in this house but not that big. Anyway I got up to see what it was. I found Matthew hanging stuck with his legs in his bed head down on the floor. I asked him what game he was playing and why I wasn't invited. He couldn't answer at first. Maybe because his neck was kinda in a non verbal position. I know how that is. It has happend to me many times. It's when your neck kinda is broken, but it's not. It's like when it's located on the opposite angle it should be located if you know what I mean.

I moved his neck so he could give me an answer because I couldn't stand there all day. After a few seconds he said that he had woken up and seen a monster on the door to the wardrobe. He tried to scare it by waving his arms but the monster got really aggressive when he did that. He got really scared and tried to run out of bed but his legs got stuck and here he was. I told him there are no monsters in this house because I have set out some traps and used other tricks to keep them away. Suddenly he screamed THERE IT IS AGAIN! And sure it was. It was my shadow. He had seen his own shadow and thought it was a monster. Let me tell you. Matthew is a disgrace to coolness. But I started to laugh and got downstairs to grab some breakfast. I totally forgot to help Matthew out of that bed. Lauren helped him later.

I really think he hit his head because he looked alarming cross-eyed at breakfast. I told Lauren he looked like a scen from a comedy but she said that he probably was tired and in shock from falling out of bed.

Maybe your body does that when you hit yourself really hard. I mean you get cross-eyed and kinda looks like mix between a retard and an old person's ass. Old peoples' asses are wrinkled. That's because the older you get the more skin you'll have. It comes to a point when the body can't hide all skin so it'll start to hang all over. When you're young the body is strong and can hide skin. But the scrotum is a little wrinkled but on old people the whole scrotum hangs down to your knees. That's why old men can't run that fast. The scrotum hits their knees. Or in worse cases they step on it. Those are eating viagra. Viagra is a pill that lifts the scrotum a few inches. Many old men eat that pill.

Maybe we all get our own personal expression in our faces when we hit ourselves that hard. Some people maybe just bite their lower lip while their faces turn red looking like rednecks. Some people just open their eyes wide like an owl. It's like their eyelids fall back into the head. Back in the skall I think. It's hard for the eyelids to fall back out. You're gonna have to hit that scared person in the back of the head. Pretty hard. Just be careful so you don't scare them even more. If a person get scared twice within 60 seconds they could fall into coma or get skin rashes. Some people run. Cowards. Some people scream. Now what good will that do? That will only kill you faster. Some people cry.

I've been thinking about why people cry when they get scared. I don't think it's because they get sad. No you see when you get scared some of your body functions kinda shuts down. One of the is the ability to pee. The body kinda turns inside out and turn some funtions around so the tears that are comming when you get scared are actually urin. It's like peeing your pants but since that function is blocked you're peeing your face instead. If you think that's disgusting you should be glad you don't shit your face.

Ok gotta go now but I'll back later and tel you how you keep the monsters away. My whole house is rigged.

MAGALOSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Lost cat found!

Hi again folks. I'm tired today. Yesterday I lost sammie. She is our kitten. I performed an organized search but I couldn't find her. I got sad because she's so tiny and I was afraid she wouldn't survive if she got lost. There are cars and murderes out there. Maybe there are murderes in the cat community too. I mean that would be cats who have had a bad childhood or were denied high quality milk. Or maybe an orphaned like me. But I got Hampus. I told you he's my brother but he's like a dad but much better.

I'm so lucky to have Hampus. I wish everybody could have a Hampus. You see he has had tough times too. He has lost his twinsister and his dad and mom. Many things has happen to him. Things he doesn't deserve. I believe some people thinks he's full of muddle or that he's acting confused or irrational even stupid sometimes. I wish they could understand that everything he does he does with a big heart. He wants to do good. And he loves me with all his heart. And I feel loved. I wish you could see that his heart. It will make you smile if you come close.

Anyways. About Sammie. She was in my bed when I woke up this morning! I'm so happy she's ok. And I wonder where she was.

About yesterday I kinda regret that I wrote that fat people are lazy. I really didn't mean it the way it came out. I wanted to make a point that back in history they invented the gun because they were lazy when it came to war and stuff. It took to much energy to kill each other by beating. So that was lazy. And about fsat people I meant that if you don't move your ass every now and then you will stay fat. So don't be that lazy. I have nothing against fat people. I have nothing against anyone really. Well knuttar of course.

And there's something about brittish people. I have nothing against brittish people. Just the way they talk. Many people say they love the brittish accent. I say EXCUSE ME? They all sound like snobs. They sound like someone sewed their buttocks together and replaced their spine with a tea leafs. But they're ok I guess. If only they could speak english properly.

But even if countries are different and we speak different we have to accept that. Maybe that's what spices the world. I mean why just add salt to a stew when there are so many spices that would make it so much better. Yeah the world is a stew. A damn good one!

HOOOPUUOOOP!!!!!!!!!

Happy New Year and don't be lazy

Happy New Year folks! Even it’s a new year today it’s no difference. I mean last year was yesterday. Only a day ago. Who decided years I wonder. Do we need years? Maybe someone in history just got bored of eternity of no ending and came up with years to end things every 365 days so he could start fresh. Maybe that was smart. I mean let’s say that there were no years and you failed in something for example in school. Then nobody could say that you will get another chance next year. No you would be failed in eternity because a world or a life of no years is one long eternity so you would be failed in that class in school for eternity. Do you get what I mean or am I to smart for you? Well I wouldn’t fail school anyway. I’m so smart that paint fall off the walls when I think or speak or just being present.

Yesterday we had some guests over. Joanna, Ray, Josephine, Miranda, Brandon, Emma, Charlie, Paul. It was fun. Hampus got late of course but he finally made it. He was tired and after 1 beer he got even more tired. I thought alcohol made you spirited but nooooooo. But maybe it was because the adults only had 1 beer each. They are not allowed to drink more because of Matthew. His parents had drinking problems. Well I think they have all the problems you could possibly have. They are evil people. Like hitler and knuttar and green apples.

Green apples make my stomach hurt. Maybe because they’re not really ripe. That’s why they are green but people eat them anyway because people have no patience. That’s why they invented guns to kill each other because they weren’t patience enough to beat each other to death. It took too long. Or maybe they were lazy. Lazy people are dangerous then I guess. Fat people are often lazy. Fat people are dangerous. Fat people can only kill you by shooting you. They can’t run and catch you. But not all fat people are like that. Steven, our dead fat neighbor was a good guy. But if he would want to kill me he would shoot me.

But I don’t think skinny people are better. They are lazy too. I’m skinny but not lazy so don’t worry. I will never shoot anybody. But maybe many skinny people are skinny just because they are too lazy to get food. So they’re both lazy and weak from not eating. So it doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or fat or normal. If you’re lazy you will use a gun.

But please people out there. Don’t shoot anyone. If you’re angry with someone give them a long hug. At first you’ll hate it but after a minute or 2 you will relax and enjoy it and realize that a hug will do you more good than a gunshot. If not. Just put a knee in their crutch and leave.

Anna’s mom says she won’t get drunk when she consumes alcohol if she wears glasses. Or maybe she gets drunk but she won’t get dizzy or foggy vision wearing glasses after drinking. I don’t believe her but she’s for free so whatever she says it’s a win for me. Sarah is not for free I guess. But I don’t know for sure yet.

Anyway I hope 2010 will be a great year. I think it will. I will probably get even smarter than I am today. Maybe that’s not possible because I’m kinda smart already. Maybe people around me will get smarter then so they can catch up with me. Last year had its ups and downs. I was sick a lot but you know what? As long as you have love it will cure you. 2010 will have even more love I think.

LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVVVVVVVV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!